As I write this, leaked copies of the new Arcade Fire album "Neon Bible" are flowing across the creeks and streams of the internet, branching and dividing by the hundreds as peer-to-peer software works its communistic magic. Although I urge each and every one of you to purchase the album when it's released in March, I must admit I downloaded a copy two nights ago.
Here for your enjoyment are links to two standout tracks from "Neon Bible." Expect a full review here in the coming days.
Track #2 - Keep the Car Running
Track #11 - My Body is a Cage
Friday, February 2, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Rant
Why
Rolling Stone
Sucks
Rolling Stone
Sucks
My roommate just got a copy of the latest Rolling Stone in the mail. Luckily, he didn't pay for it; it was a free trial subscription. Why lucky? Because Rolling Stone sucks. Sucks in almost all of the various ways an ostensibly cool record review magazine can suck. Ah yes, but therein lies the rub. Rolling Stone isn't a record review magazine anymore. It's not even a so-called lad mag a la Maxim, although I'm sure it would love to be. Rolling Stone these days is a mishmash of the poppiest of pop culture, tabloidism and pure suck-up-itude.
Let's start at the beginning.
Rolling Stone smells like perfume. Or maybe it's cologne. Who can tell the difference today anyway. "But Evan, lots of magazines have perfume ads and smell like that," you might say. Sure, but Rolling Stone? No. In my perfect world (which may have existed about 40 years ago) Rolling Stone would smell like newsprint and the city. The ink would smear on my fingers. I'd roll it up and stick it in my back pocket and take it out later to read on the train. It would not smell like perfume. Ever. I take that back; it might smell like perfume because I brought it over to a girl's house and left it in a pile of clothes next to her bed. That's the only way.
Now let's open the magazine. Holy shit! What is that! Why, it's an ad for "I'm From Rolling Stone," an MTV reality show ABOUT Rolling Stone. But we'll get to that piece of absurdity later. Look at the next ad. Ford Fusion. Kind of a sporty car. Flip a few pages.. Old Spice ad. "What doesn't kill you makes you better looking." Sad thing is, that's not even the source of the perfume smell. There are other perfume/cologne ads. Ok, now we're at the table of contents. What a nice place to address the second way Rolling Stone sucks (number one being its godawful smell).
Rolling Stone is like a heroin addict, except instead of heroin there's pure pop culture glucose running through its veins. Exhibit A: The table of contents is dominated by a spread about American Idol. For a second I almost thought this was OK. I thought to myself, "Maybe American Idol is so uncool, it's cool." But then I realized that only Vice Magazine could make American Idol remotely cool. No, Rolling Stone is just doing it because any number of a variety of surveys have declared that, well, a shitload of people watch American Idol. A shitload of 18-34 year olds probably.
Let's keep flipping. There's some cool stuff in here. Almost redeeming stuff, like stories about Deerhoof and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. A story about a London band called the Klaxons that I would read if the picture of the band didn't show three guys who looked like those annoying kids at the bar (probably theater or social policy majors) who dressed fashionably but didn't talk to anyone and thus defeated any coolness they may have built up by standing around being annoying. Oh shit, there's another "I'm From Rolling Stone" ad. Gotta skip that. Bringing me to the third problem.
Why does Rolling Stone have a section called "Style"? Here's a 10 second lesson in coolness for Rolling Stone. Whatever ends up in your Style section isn't cool anymore. Sure, people are probably wearing it. Hell, more girls might wear that skirt now that it's been in your magazine. But girls wore Ugg boots too. And guys wore pink polos. Neither were cool. They were probably cool the first time someone in L.A. or New York City tried them out. But the minute some douchebag copied them, it wasn't cool anymore. It's tough, but you need to leave fashion for the fashion magazines. And P.S., those pants there in the corner of the page cost $185? I understand excess is part of rock n' roll, but not for pants. For drugs and booze.
Bear with me, there are two more things. Real quick, let's address the tabloidism. There's a full page spread on pages 36 and 37 that is, essentially, something you'd find in the Inquirer, except slightly more focused on the music industry. Look! There's a picture of a guy from Good Charlotte in Mexico with Nicole Richie! Look! There's some guy named Pete Doherty kicking a paparazzi dude! Look! There's.... Steven Tyler wearing nothing but a thong? Hey, at least that Old Spice ad can catch my puke.
Since I'm probably running out of your attention, I'll cut to the final gripe. Unfortunately, that means skipping over the Panic! At the Disco cover story. I know some of you might be fans of theirs, but let me just say I would pay good money to see a video on YouTube of them getting their asses beat by some guys with pool cues.
Anyway... the record reviews. Let me preface this by giving you the Rolling Stone system. It's based on five stars. A five star record is a "classic" record. I've only seen them give five stars to the Beatles or the Stones or Led Zeppelin. And that's as it should be. Four stars is excellent, three is good, two is fair and one is poor. First of all, only ONE of those rankings is negative. Two out of five is still "good"! Does that make sense to you? It doesn't to me. They give five stars to the right people, but I can't even remember the last time they gave a one out. That means Nickelback can open their copy of Rolling Stone and see that their album got two stars and actually think they make "good" music. Now that is atrocious.
Almost every album in the edition I read got at least three stars. Two albums got two and a half stars, and one of those was "A Tribute to the Band by Various Artists." One album got only two stars, but that was Switchfoot. Such is Rolling Stones' method of record review.
Oh yeah, and the first (and only) review they gave to Ratatat was in 2004 when they wrote a story about their remixes. Maybe that's the real reason I hate Rolling Stone.
Anyway, I guess I haven't even gotten to how ridiculous it is that MTV is doing a show called "I'm From Rolling Stone." Or how there's an inset in the Letters section that basically pimps the magazine's executive editor Joe Levy. Select quote: "But here at Rolling Stone, he (Joe Levy) exudes the same suave cool, a voice of sanity in the crazier-than-Gnarls music world...Nobody can touch his fearsome, encyclopedic knowledge of music, movies and every other corner of pop culture - when you're in the mood to debate whether the Stones were better on Aftermath or Between the Buttons, or the right color suede shoes to wear with a midnight-blue suit, Joe is your guy." WHO WRITES THIS SHIT? Oh yeah, Rob Sheffield, an editor. Would I even want to be "from Rolling Stone"? Probably not, and that's too bad.
Let's start at the beginning.
Rolling Stone smells like perfume. Or maybe it's cologne. Who can tell the difference today anyway. "But Evan, lots of magazines have perfume ads and smell like that," you might say. Sure, but Rolling Stone? No. In my perfect world (which may have existed about 40 years ago) Rolling Stone would smell like newsprint and the city. The ink would smear on my fingers. I'd roll it up and stick it in my back pocket and take it out later to read on the train. It would not smell like perfume. Ever. I take that back; it might smell like perfume because I brought it over to a girl's house and left it in a pile of clothes next to her bed. That's the only way.
Now let's open the magazine. Holy shit! What is that! Why, it's an ad for "I'm From Rolling Stone," an MTV reality show ABOUT Rolling Stone. But we'll get to that piece of absurdity later. Look at the next ad. Ford Fusion. Kind of a sporty car. Flip a few pages.. Old Spice ad. "What doesn't kill you makes you better looking." Sad thing is, that's not even the source of the perfume smell. There are other perfume/cologne ads. Ok, now we're at the table of contents. What a nice place to address the second way Rolling Stone sucks (number one being its godawful smell).
Rolling Stone is like a heroin addict, except instead of heroin there's pure pop culture glucose running through its veins. Exhibit A: The table of contents is dominated by a spread about American Idol. For a second I almost thought this was OK. I thought to myself, "Maybe American Idol is so uncool, it's cool." But then I realized that only Vice Magazine could make American Idol remotely cool. No, Rolling Stone is just doing it because any number of a variety of surveys have declared that, well, a shitload of people watch American Idol. A shitload of 18-34 year olds probably.
Let's keep flipping. There's some cool stuff in here. Almost redeeming stuff, like stories about Deerhoof and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. A story about a London band called the Klaxons that I would read if the picture of the band didn't show three guys who looked like those annoying kids at the bar (probably theater or social policy majors) who dressed fashionably but didn't talk to anyone and thus defeated any coolness they may have built up by standing around being annoying. Oh shit, there's another "I'm From Rolling Stone" ad. Gotta skip that. Bringing me to the third problem.
Why does Rolling Stone have a section called "Style"? Here's a 10 second lesson in coolness for Rolling Stone. Whatever ends up in your Style section isn't cool anymore. Sure, people are probably wearing it. Hell, more girls might wear that skirt now that it's been in your magazine. But girls wore Ugg boots too. And guys wore pink polos. Neither were cool. They were probably cool the first time someone in L.A. or New York City tried them out. But the minute some douchebag copied them, it wasn't cool anymore. It's tough, but you need to leave fashion for the fashion magazines. And P.S., those pants there in the corner of the page cost $185? I understand excess is part of rock n' roll, but not for pants. For drugs and booze.
Bear with me, there are two more things. Real quick, let's address the tabloidism. There's a full page spread on pages 36 and 37 that is, essentially, something you'd find in the Inquirer, except slightly more focused on the music industry. Look! There's a picture of a guy from Good Charlotte in Mexico with Nicole Richie! Look! There's some guy named Pete Doherty kicking a paparazzi dude! Look! There's.... Steven Tyler wearing nothing but a thong? Hey, at least that Old Spice ad can catch my puke.
Since I'm probably running out of your attention, I'll cut to the final gripe. Unfortunately, that means skipping over the Panic! At the Disco cover story. I know some of you might be fans of theirs, but let me just say I would pay good money to see a video on YouTube of them getting their asses beat by some guys with pool cues.
Anyway... the record reviews. Let me preface this by giving you the Rolling Stone system. It's based on five stars. A five star record is a "classic" record. I've only seen them give five stars to the Beatles or the Stones or Led Zeppelin. And that's as it should be. Four stars is excellent, three is good, two is fair and one is poor. First of all, only ONE of those rankings is negative. Two out of five is still "good"! Does that make sense to you? It doesn't to me. They give five stars to the right people, but I can't even remember the last time they gave a one out. That means Nickelback can open their copy of Rolling Stone and see that their album got two stars and actually think they make "good" music. Now that is atrocious.
Almost every album in the edition I read got at least three stars. Two albums got two and a half stars, and one of those was "A Tribute to the Band by Various Artists." One album got only two stars, but that was Switchfoot. Such is Rolling Stones' method of record review.
Oh yeah, and the first (and only) review they gave to Ratatat was in 2004 when they wrote a story about their remixes. Maybe that's the real reason I hate Rolling Stone.
Anyway, I guess I haven't even gotten to how ridiculous it is that MTV is doing a show called "I'm From Rolling Stone." Or how there's an inset in the Letters section that basically pimps the magazine's executive editor Joe Levy. Select quote: "But here at Rolling Stone, he (Joe Levy) exudes the same suave cool, a voice of sanity in the crazier-than-Gnarls music world...Nobody can touch his fearsome, encyclopedic knowledge of music, movies and every other corner of pop culture - when you're in the mood to debate whether the Stones were better on Aftermath or Between the Buttons, or the right color suede shoes to wear with a midnight-blue suit, Joe is your guy." WHO WRITES THIS SHIT? Oh yeah, Rob Sheffield, an editor. Would I even want to be "from Rolling Stone"? Probably not, and that's too bad.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Announcement
Holiday
Break
Break
Great Lakes Lesser Cities will not be posting until after the holidays. Expect a new post ringing in the new year around Jan. 4 or 5. In the meantime, please peruse our old posts, which you may have missed, but are assuredly worth your time.
Monday, December 11, 2006
List
Ted's Top 10
Albums of 2006
Albums of 2006
It's the end of the year and that means that it's time for my top ten albums list of 2006. At the end of every mini-review/description or whatever you want to call it, I've included a link to a song that I think sums up the album it's from, or at least is one of the better songs from the album. The link takes you to a page where the song streams, so if you want to download the song to your computer just right-click and hit "save as" on the "Download This File" link on the bottom right. Well, without further ado, here are my Top 10 Albums of 2006:
10. The Decemberists "The Crane Wife"
-There's not much to be said about this album that Evan didn't already say in his review. Instead I'll just quote him: "When the sound of what can only be described as the sickest accordion/keyboard note this side of the Atlantic bleets above the rolling din of drums and vocals at 7:51 in the 'Landlord's Daughter' section of 'The Island,' you know you're listening to one of America's most important bands." Simply put, "The Island" is one of the best songs of the year and the fact that it clocks in at a whopping 12'26" does nothing to diminish its awesomeness.
Standout Track: "The Island"
9. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy "The Letting Go"
-I've been waiting for this album since Will Oldham's last album as Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, "Master and Everyone", came out in 2003. Between then and now, he has released a live album and an album as one-half of the duo Superwolf. With "The Letting Go" and the resumption of the BPB mantle, Oldham brings a return to form. As BPB, Oldham has mastered the art of creating albums that sound like a weathered old appalachian man singing about a lifetime full of heartbreak and disappointment. "The Letting Go" just builds on his trademark sound with the inclusion of a female backing vocalist on almost all of the tracks and a somewhat "slicker" production sound. But luckily for us, the darkness and pain of the previous BPB albums still remains.
Standout Track: "Cursed Sleep"
8. Spank Rock "YoYoYoYoYoYo"
-I don't really know how to describe Spank Rock. They're hip-hop, yes, but they're a lot more than that. The best way I've heard them described is when my friend told me they were "pure shake-your-ass music." And he was right. The beats are glitchy and super hard and their lyrics are just ridiculous. For example, one of the hooks for the song "Backyard Betty" is, "Ass-shaking competition champ/Oooh that pussy gets damp." I guess another, possibly more pretentious way to describe their sound would be to say they take certain aspects of American hip-hop and mix in British grime and garage with a dash of techno. But you should really just listen for yourself.
Standout Track: "Backyard Betty"
7. Justin Timberlake "FutureSex/LoveSounds"
-Some people may give me flak for this one, but this album is fucking good. Yes, Justin Timberlake used to be in N'Sync, and yes, he used to be a Mouseketeer, but damnit if our little JT hasn't grown up. This album is an ass-shaker and anyone who says otherwise is soulless. It's also more mature, in many ways, than his debut solo album, "Justified." It's got a darker vibe to it and the instrumentation and beats are more complex. One negative thing, though: the single "SexyBack" has been so overplayed that I want to break the radio everytime I hear it.
Standout Track: "FutureSex/LoveSound"
6. Girl Talk "Night Ripper"
-Apparently this was the year of awesome party albums. Girl Talk's "Night Ripper" is one album that could play at a party from start to finish and everyone would dance the entire way through. Here's the story behind "Night Ripper": Girl Talk is a DJ and this album consists entirely of mash-ups he's made of other people's songs. I think the number of songs used on this album is some ridiculous number like 150 or something. It's possible to recognize quite a few of them but some samples only last for a few beats so you have to listen closely. It seems like it could have been really easy for this album to become gimmicky but Girl Talk mixes these songs together so well that he really makes them his own.
Standout Track: "Once Again"
5. T.I. "King"
-Another one that I may get guff for. Again, I don't care. This is the only mainstream hip-hop album that I can listen to almost straight through. Many mainstream hip-hop albums are mostly all filler with a few really stand out singles but T.I.'s "King" is entirely the other way around. In addition to knocking out the filler, T.I. has also mastered the art of self-aggrandizement on this album. When he says, "I'm the king," you believe him. Also, the bass-lines and old school horn samples make this album perfect to cruise to on a hot summer day with the windows open and the volume up all the way.
Standout Track: "King Back"
4. Lily Allen "Alright Still"
-Who knew an album full of songs about a British girl's break-up could be so addicting? Lily Allen's "Alright Still" is just that. In addition to being incredibly poppy, it's also witty and bitchy and catty. In the song, "Not Big," she states, "I could see it in your face when you give it to me gently/Yeah, you really must think you're great/Let's see how you feel in a couple of weeks/When I work my way through your mates." The songs deal with issues like a break-up and drug abuse with a very laissez-faire attitude, super catchy hooks, and great choruses. The fact that it's so catchy is probably the reason it's so high on my list. Also, the fact that she's got a really cute accent and that she's pretty hot help, too.
Standout Track: "Smile"
3. Beck "The Information"
-I like Beck. I like Nigel Godrich. And when Beck and Nigel Godrich get together, I get very excited. "The Information" brings them together again and it's everything I hoped it would be. Beck has always been a little out there musically and this album is no different. What is different, however, is the cohesiveness of the album. Sure, there are songs where he raps and yes, there are songs where he sounds like an old-timey country singer, but thematically and musically, it all fits together. Don't ask me how, but it does.
Standout Track: "Dark Star"
2. Gnarls Barkley "St. Elsewhere"
-Did anyone think when they heard that Cee-Lo and Dangermouse were teaming up that it wouldn't be awesome? If anyone did, I hope that upon hearing "St. Elsewhere" their suspicions were put to rest. It was probably the most funkily eccentric album of the year and it also included one of the most catchy songs of all time. That, of course, being the hit single "Crazy." I still find to this day that I get that song stuck in my head. Plus, you could hardly go to a concert this year without hearing it covered by whoever was playing.
Standout Track: "Crazy"
1. Thom Yorke "The Eraser"
-Is anyone surprised by the fact that Thom Yorke's solo album is my number one album of the year? Probably not. BUT! It is an awesome album, nonetheless. How could it not be? Although, anyone who had been expecting another Radiohead album may have been a bit disappointed. It's definitely got more electronic bleeps and bloops, and more synths in the background. Also, there's no really straight up guitar or piano based songs. But if you take the time to listen to the songs individually and thoroughly, you will be greatly rewarded. The song "Analyse," for example, has one of the sickest bass-lines of the year, but I didn't notice until probably the fifth time I listened to it. And pretty much every song has incredible backing vocals, you just need to PAY ATTENTION. Go grab a pair of headphones and sit down with "The Eraser" and you will see why this is my number one album, regardless of the fact that it probably would have been even if it had just been Thom Yorke farting into a microphone.
Standout Track: "The Eraser"
That does it for my Top 10 List. I hope you all agree with me, but I'm sure some of you, maybe even most of you, don't. But that's what makes music great. I can be a snob and pretend I'm better than all of you if you don't like what I like!
10. The Decemberists "The Crane Wife"
-There's not much to be said about this album that Evan didn't already say in his review. Instead I'll just quote him: "When the sound of what can only be described as the sickest accordion/keyboard note this side of the Atlantic bleets above the rolling din of drums and vocals at 7:51 in the 'Landlord's Daughter' section of 'The Island,' you know you're listening to one of America's most important bands." Simply put, "The Island" is one of the best songs of the year and the fact that it clocks in at a whopping 12'26" does nothing to diminish its awesomeness.
Standout Track: "The Island"
9. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy "The Letting Go"
-I've been waiting for this album since Will Oldham's last album as Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, "Master and Everyone", came out in 2003. Between then and now, he has released a live album and an album as one-half of the duo Superwolf. With "The Letting Go" and the resumption of the BPB mantle, Oldham brings a return to form. As BPB, Oldham has mastered the art of creating albums that sound like a weathered old appalachian man singing about a lifetime full of heartbreak and disappointment. "The Letting Go" just builds on his trademark sound with the inclusion of a female backing vocalist on almost all of the tracks and a somewhat "slicker" production sound. But luckily for us, the darkness and pain of the previous BPB albums still remains.
Standout Track: "Cursed Sleep"
8. Spank Rock "YoYoYoYoYoYo"
-I don't really know how to describe Spank Rock. They're hip-hop, yes, but they're a lot more than that. The best way I've heard them described is when my friend told me they were "pure shake-your-ass music." And he was right. The beats are glitchy and super hard and their lyrics are just ridiculous. For example, one of the hooks for the song "Backyard Betty" is, "Ass-shaking competition champ/Oooh that pussy gets damp." I guess another, possibly more pretentious way to describe their sound would be to say they take certain aspects of American hip-hop and mix in British grime and garage with a dash of techno. But you should really just listen for yourself.
Standout Track: "Backyard Betty"
7. Justin Timberlake "FutureSex/LoveSounds"
-Some people may give me flak for this one, but this album is fucking good. Yes, Justin Timberlake used to be in N'Sync, and yes, he used to be a Mouseketeer, but damnit if our little JT hasn't grown up. This album is an ass-shaker and anyone who says otherwise is soulless. It's also more mature, in many ways, than his debut solo album, "Justified." It's got a darker vibe to it and the instrumentation and beats are more complex. One negative thing, though: the single "SexyBack" has been so overplayed that I want to break the radio everytime I hear it.
Standout Track: "FutureSex/LoveSound"
6. Girl Talk "Night Ripper"
-Apparently this was the year of awesome party albums. Girl Talk's "Night Ripper" is one album that could play at a party from start to finish and everyone would dance the entire way through. Here's the story behind "Night Ripper": Girl Talk is a DJ and this album consists entirely of mash-ups he's made of other people's songs. I think the number of songs used on this album is some ridiculous number like 150 or something. It's possible to recognize quite a few of them but some samples only last for a few beats so you have to listen closely. It seems like it could have been really easy for this album to become gimmicky but Girl Talk mixes these songs together so well that he really makes them his own.
Standout Track: "Once Again"
5. T.I. "King"
-Another one that I may get guff for. Again, I don't care. This is the only mainstream hip-hop album that I can listen to almost straight through. Many mainstream hip-hop albums are mostly all filler with a few really stand out singles but T.I.'s "King" is entirely the other way around. In addition to knocking out the filler, T.I. has also mastered the art of self-aggrandizement on this album. When he says, "I'm the king," you believe him. Also, the bass-lines and old school horn samples make this album perfect to cruise to on a hot summer day with the windows open and the volume up all the way.
Standout Track: "King Back"
4. Lily Allen "Alright Still"
-Who knew an album full of songs about a British girl's break-up could be so addicting? Lily Allen's "Alright Still" is just that. In addition to being incredibly poppy, it's also witty and bitchy and catty. In the song, "Not Big," she states, "I could see it in your face when you give it to me gently/Yeah, you really must think you're great/Let's see how you feel in a couple of weeks/When I work my way through your mates." The songs deal with issues like a break-up and drug abuse with a very laissez-faire attitude, super catchy hooks, and great choruses. The fact that it's so catchy is probably the reason it's so high on my list. Also, the fact that she's got a really cute accent and that she's pretty hot help, too.
Standout Track: "Smile"
3. Beck "The Information"
-I like Beck. I like Nigel Godrich. And when Beck and Nigel Godrich get together, I get very excited. "The Information" brings them together again and it's everything I hoped it would be. Beck has always been a little out there musically and this album is no different. What is different, however, is the cohesiveness of the album. Sure, there are songs where he raps and yes, there are songs where he sounds like an old-timey country singer, but thematically and musically, it all fits together. Don't ask me how, but it does.
Standout Track: "Dark Star"
2. Gnarls Barkley "St. Elsewhere"
-Did anyone think when they heard that Cee-Lo and Dangermouse were teaming up that it wouldn't be awesome? If anyone did, I hope that upon hearing "St. Elsewhere" their suspicions were put to rest. It was probably the most funkily eccentric album of the year and it also included one of the most catchy songs of all time. That, of course, being the hit single "Crazy." I still find to this day that I get that song stuck in my head. Plus, you could hardly go to a concert this year without hearing it covered by whoever was playing.
Standout Track: "Crazy"
1. Thom Yorke "The Eraser"
-Is anyone surprised by the fact that Thom Yorke's solo album is my number one album of the year? Probably not. BUT! It is an awesome album, nonetheless. How could it not be? Although, anyone who had been expecting another Radiohead album may have been a bit disappointed. It's definitely got more electronic bleeps and bloops, and more synths in the background. Also, there's no really straight up guitar or piano based songs. But if you take the time to listen to the songs individually and thoroughly, you will be greatly rewarded. The song "Analyse," for example, has one of the sickest bass-lines of the year, but I didn't notice until probably the fifth time I listened to it. And pretty much every song has incredible backing vocals, you just need to PAY ATTENTION. Go grab a pair of headphones and sit down with "The Eraser" and you will see why this is my number one album, regardless of the fact that it probably would have been even if it had just been Thom Yorke farting into a microphone.
Standout Track: "The Eraser"
That does it for my Top 10 List. I hope you all agree with me, but I'm sure some of you, maybe even most of you, don't. But that's what makes music great. I can be a snob and pretend I'm better than all of you if you don't like what I like!
Friday, December 8, 2006
Story
You Don't Want
My Job
My Job
When I'm at school in Milwaukee, I work as a parking enforcer for the university. This means that I'm the guy that's universally hated by everyone. Even people who don't have a car. As soon as I tell someone what I do the first words that come out of their mouth are almost always, "I fucking HATE you!" Really? You hate me? Personally? Now that you know what I do you all of a sudden hate me? Great. My job sucks enough without everyone I meet instantly deriding me.
Here's a typical shift as a parking enforcer: I get to work and gear up with my shitty yellow vest thing that turns me into a big blazing yellow target. Then I go out onto the campus and start making my rounds. It's even better now that it's December and it's practically -50000 Degrees below zero. So I'm out and about, doing my job, and I immediately feel like I have to watch my back.
I'm like the fucking parking NINJA. I'm in and out of those lots so fast that people don't even know what hit them. But sometimes I'm not fast enough and that's when I get shit on. Here's an example: One time I was out working and I was in this medium-sized lot when I look over at this area that I had already been in and I see this lady looking around madly. I see her see me. She sees me see her. She yells at the top of her lungs, "FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKERIN' ASSHOLE!" Then she gets in her car and drives away. She's content to vent at me. She doesn't feel the need to come over to me and challenge the ticket, even though if she had I would have taken it back. My boss' policy is if someone comes up to you while you're writing a ticket, you cancel it immediately and walk away. My own policy is if someone comes up to me within five minuts of me writing the ticket, I take it and write on it, "Person came while ticket was printing," and then I walk away. No questions asked.
I don't like giving tickets, OK? I don't like being a dick who has to make people pay $20-$30 for a stupid ticket. Let me stress this again. I'M JUST DOING MY JOB. I don't like my job. I don't like being universally hated. But if I didn't do it, I wouldn't get paid. And it helps that it's the highest paying job on campus, all right? It's nice to make some money. And yes, sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I like giving out tickets and making other people pissed off. But most of the time I'm a nice person. So fuck you.
Here's a typical shift as a parking enforcer: I get to work and gear up with my shitty yellow vest thing that turns me into a big blazing yellow target. Then I go out onto the campus and start making my rounds. It's even better now that it's December and it's practically -50000 Degrees below zero. So I'm out and about, doing my job, and I immediately feel like I have to watch my back.
I'm like the fucking parking NINJA. I'm in and out of those lots so fast that people don't even know what hit them. But sometimes I'm not fast enough and that's when I get shit on. Here's an example: One time I was out working and I was in this medium-sized lot when I look over at this area that I had already been in and I see this lady looking around madly. I see her see me. She sees me see her. She yells at the top of her lungs, "FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKERIN' ASSHOLE!" Then she gets in her car and drives away. She's content to vent at me. She doesn't feel the need to come over to me and challenge the ticket, even though if she had I would have taken it back. My boss' policy is if someone comes up to you while you're writing a ticket, you cancel it immediately and walk away. My own policy is if someone comes up to me within five minuts of me writing the ticket, I take it and write on it, "Person came while ticket was printing," and then I walk away. No questions asked.
I don't like giving tickets, OK? I don't like being a dick who has to make people pay $20-$30 for a stupid ticket. Let me stress this again. I'M JUST DOING MY JOB. I don't like my job. I don't like being universally hated. But if I didn't do it, I wouldn't get paid. And it helps that it's the highest paying job on campus, all right? It's nice to make some money. And yes, sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I like giving out tickets and making other people pissed off. But most of the time I'm a nice person. So fuck you.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Sunday, December 3, 2006
List
People Can't Spell!
I work at a medical clinic over the summers. One of the departments I work in is the International Travel department which gives people immunizations and information to help them while they're travelling abroad. In addition to having me and the other people at our desk schedule appointments, we also have this place called Centralized Scheduling which gets all the run-off calls from all the departments in the clinic and schedules appointments for them. For some reason it seems that a lot of the people in Centralized don't really know their geography that well. Here is a list of some of their spelling mistakes from the last 3 months. Some of them are pretty understandable, but a few are just ridiculous:
Chili
Figi
Egpty
Telabiv
Tilan (I assume this is Thailand?)
Ethopia
Handoras
Indonsia
S. Afrifica/Nimibia
Bejing
Shanghei
Gutemala
Batzwana
Gualtemala
Equador
Jamaca
Nyrobi
Equidore
Zimbobway
Hondrus
Malie
Bulivia
Guademala
Isreal
Cancau, then the next appointment said Cancaun
Erope/New Zeland/Austraille (Probably my favorite. The guy's 3 for 3 on this one)
Zimbabwai
Numibia
Argintina
Coasta Rica
Gona
Chili
Figi
Egpty
Telabiv
Tilan (I assume this is Thailand?)
Ethopia
Handoras
Indonsia
S. Afrifica/Nimibia
Bejing
Shanghei
Gutemala
Batzwana
Gualtemala
Equador
Jamaca
Nyrobi
Equidore
Zimbobway
Hondrus
Malie
Bulivia
Guademala
Isreal
Cancau, then the next appointment said Cancaun
Erope/New Zeland/Austraille (Probably my favorite. The guy's 3 for 3 on this one)
Zimbabwai
Numibia
Argintina
Coasta Rica
Gona
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